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A man hasn't been feeling well, so he goes to his doctor for a complete checkup. After a performing a
thorough examination and running multiple tests, the doctor comes out with the results.
"I'm afraid I have some very bad news," says the doctor, "You're dying, and you don't have much time
left."
"Oh, that's terrible!" says the man, "How long have I got?"
"Ten," the doctor says sadly.
"Ten?" the man asks. "Ten what? Months? Weeks? Ten What?"
"Nine..."
thorough examination and running multiple tests, the doctor comes out with the results.
"I'm afraid I have some very bad news," says the doctor, "You're dying, and you don't have much time
left."
"Oh, that's terrible!" says the man, "How long have I got?"
"Ten," the doctor says sadly.
"Ten?" the man asks. "Ten what? Months? Weeks? Ten What?"
"Nine..."
There was a city cop on his horse waiting to cross the street when a little boy on his new shiny bike stopped beside him. "Nice
bike," the cop said. "Did Santa bring it to you?"
"Yep," the little boy said, "he sure did!"
The cop looked the bike over and handed the boy a $20 ticket for a safety violation. The cop said, "Next year tell Santa to put
a reflector light on the back of it."
The young boy looked up at the cop and said, "Nice horse you got there sir, did Santa bring it to you?"
"Yes, he sure did," chuckled the cop.
The little boy looked up at the cop and said, "Next year tell Santa the dick goes underneath the horse, not on top."
bike," the cop said. "Did Santa bring it to you?"
"Yep," the little boy said, "he sure did!"
The cop looked the bike over and handed the boy a $20 ticket for a safety violation. The cop said, "Next year tell Santa to put
a reflector light on the back of it."
The young boy looked up at the cop and said, "Nice horse you got there sir, did Santa bring it to you?"
"Yes, he sure did," chuckled the cop.
The little boy looked up at the cop and said, "Next year tell Santa the dick goes underneath the horse, not on top."
A man, while playing on the front nine of a complicated golf
course, became confused as to where he was on the course. Looking
around, he saw a lady playing ahead of him. He walked up to her,
explained his confusion and asked her if she knew what hole he
was playing.
I'm on the 7th hole," she replied, "and you are a hole behind me.
So you must be on the 6th hole." He thanked her and went back to
his golf.
On the back nine, the same thing happened and he approached her
again with the same request. "I'm on number 14, and you're still
a hole behind, so you must be on the 13th hole."
Once again he thanked her and returned to his play. He finished
his round and went to the clubhouse where he saw the same lady
sitting at the end of the bar. He asked the bartender if he knew
the lady. The bartender said that she was a sales lady and played
the course often.
He approached her and said, "Let me buy you a drink in
appreciation for your help. I understand that you're in the sales
profession. I'm in sales also. What do you sell?"
"I'll tell you, but you're going to laugh," she replied.
"No, I won't."
"Well, if you must know," she answered, "I work for Tampax."
With that, he laughed so hard he almost fell off the bar stool.
"See," she said. "I knew you'd laugh!"
"That's not what I'm laughing at," he replied, "I'm a salesman
for Preparation H, so I'm still a hole behind you."
course, became confused as to where he was on the course. Looking
around, he saw a lady playing ahead of him. He walked up to her,
explained his confusion and asked her if she knew what hole he
was playing.
I'm on the 7th hole," she replied, "and you are a hole behind me.
So you must be on the 6th hole." He thanked her and went back to
his golf.
On the back nine, the same thing happened and he approached her
again with the same request. "I'm on number 14, and you're still
a hole behind, so you must be on the 13th hole."
Once again he thanked her and returned to his play. He finished
his round and went to the clubhouse where he saw the same lady
sitting at the end of the bar. He asked the bartender if he knew
the lady. The bartender said that she was a sales lady and played
the course often.
He approached her and said, "Let me buy you a drink in
appreciation for your help. I understand that you're in the sales
profession. I'm in sales also. What do you sell?"
"I'll tell you, but you're going to laugh," she replied.
"No, I won't."
"Well, if you must know," she answered, "I work for Tampax."
With that, he laughed so hard he almost fell off the bar stool.
"See," she said. "I knew you'd laugh!"
"That's not what I'm laughing at," he replied, "I'm a salesman
for Preparation H, so I'm still a hole behind you."
They say that one of the attributes of a good lawyer is that he can think on his feet. This guy is a budding lawyer -
A man walked into the produce section of his local supermarket and asked to buy half a head of lettuce. The boy working in that department told him
that they only sold whole heads of lettuce. The man was insistent & suggested that the boy ask his manager about the matter.
Walking into the back room, the boy said to his manager, "Some asshole wants to buy a half a head of lettuce."
As he finished his sentence, he turned to find the man standing right behind him, so he added, "and this gentleman kindly offered to buy the other half."
The manager approved the deal and the man went on his way. Later the manager found the boy and said "I was impressed with the way you got
yourself out of that situation earlier. We like people here who think on their feet .
Where are you from, son?" "Canada, sir," the boy replied.
"Well, why did you leave Canada," the manager asked.
The boy said, "Sir, there 's nothing but whores and hockey players
up there."
"Really!" said the manager. "My wife is from Canada!"
The boy replied, "No shit??? Who did she play for?"
A man walked into the produce section of his local supermarket and asked to buy half a head of lettuce. The boy working in that department told him
that they only sold whole heads of lettuce. The man was insistent & suggested that the boy ask his manager about the matter.
Walking into the back room, the boy said to his manager, "Some asshole wants to buy a half a head of lettuce."
As he finished his sentence, he turned to find the man standing right behind him, so he added, "and this gentleman kindly offered to buy the other half."
The manager approved the deal and the man went on his way. Later the manager found the boy and said "I was impressed with the way you got
yourself out of that situation earlier. We like people here who think on their feet .
Where are you from, son?" "Canada, sir," the boy replied.
"Well, why did you leave Canada," the manager asked.
The boy said, "Sir, there 's nothing but whores and hockey players
up there."
"Really!" said the manager. "My wife is from Canada!"
The boy replied, "No shit??? Who did she play for?"
A young couple, just married, were in their honeymoon suite on
their wedding night. As they were undressing for bed, the wife flipped over her panties and said, "Try these on."
He tried them on and found he could only get them on as far as his
kneecaps.
"Awe heck," he said, "I can't get into your panties!"
At which she replied, "That's right, and that's the way it's going to be
until you change your attitude and stop playing boss!"
The husband who was a big man tossed his pants to his bride and said,
"Here, put these on."
She put them on and the waist was twice the size of her body. "I
can't wear your pants ," she said.
"That's right," said the husband, " and don't you forget it. Case closed."
their wedding night. As they were undressing for bed, the wife flipped over her panties and said, "Try these on."
He tried them on and found he could only get them on as far as his
kneecaps.
"Awe heck," he said, "I can't get into your panties!"
At which she replied, "That's right, and that's the way it's going to be
until you change your attitude and stop playing boss!"
The husband who was a big man tossed his pants to his bride and said,
"Here, put these on."
She put them on and the waist was twice the size of her body. "I
can't wear your pants ," she said.
"That's right," said the husband, " and don't you forget it. Case closed."
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